December 31

Happy New Year!

And so today ends the Instagram project of 2013.

I’ve learned a lot of things this year, including that I’m not photogenic. A good selfie is hard to achieve. It’s easier to photobomb a stranger than it is to take a decent self-portrait. My good photos of anything are a complete and total fluke. Filters will help everything. My children find me embarrassing. I can never flip out my iPhone for a photo fast enough, and will therefore lose the shot of the bald eagle flying over Wayne and Middle Belt. Food porn is the best porn of all. My animals will die. My stomach is fat. My husband looks like shit when  he’s sick. The camera NEVER lies.

During this last year, I’ve managed to devote a whopping five minutes of time each day to the Instagram project. Which is amazing. Five minutes times 365 equals 1,825 minutes, divided into 60 minutes (for an hour), makes a grand total of 30.41 hours toward the project.

Obviously, I could be using this time doing something else. Like writing. So next year I will devote at least five minutes a day for writing. Maybe I’ll finish a book?

I started last year in a favorite chair with a cat.

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I am ending the year in the same chair with another cat. Not the same one, obviously.

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Time marches on.

Happy New Year.

Goodbye 2013.

Goodbye My Life in Instagram 2013.

It’s time for new projects, new horizons, and right now, a new bottle of champagne.

Stay safe and sweet, and see you in the Interwebs.

Filter: Amaro

PS If you wish to follow my other exploits, tune in HERE.

December 22

My friend and employee, Chelcie Lou, has been commissioned to take a photo of me decent enough for a book cover.

She’s having a problem, though. I’m incredibly unphotogenic. In fact, I’ve always been unphotogenic, but lately, the degree of ugliness has transcended normal levels.

First of all, I’m a little chubby, meaning overweight. I can see it in my face as well as on my gut. Second, my face is and always has been very angular. Angles work well for men, making them rugged and appealing, but it’s a death knell for women. Third, I can’t smile. I never have been able to, probably at first because my teeth were crooked, but even after painful adult orthodontia, I still can’t do it. I have a niece who is gainfully employed as a model. She obviously has none of my non-modeling genes.

So while the colors are good, just about every photo Chelcie Lou has taken has a major flaw. These are not the flaws of the photographer, but of the subject. I’m definitely not blaming her.

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I usually turn to my left side. It’s instinctual. I’m not sure why I do it.

Today I selfied myself from the right.

I have no good side.

Filter: Walden

December 12

A couple of things:

One. I hate shopping. I have just returned from a harrowing trip to the Somerset Collection. It’s a collection, all right. A collection of high priced stores populated with high brow snooty people and crowded even in the middle of the day. But…I make gift baskets for the office personnel and it’s the only time I go. Besides, I had to pay my Nordstrom bill.

Two. I hate winter. You already knew that. The high temperature today is 19 degrees. This sucks in more ways than I can tell you.

Three. I’m not too fond of proofreading. I’ve had a headache since I started yesterday.

So I decided to chill out for a minute and a half before I return to the dreaded proofreading.

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This is my upside down duckie face pose.

Okay. Enough hilarity. I’m going back to work.

Filter: Sutro