December 22

My friend and employee, Chelcie Lou, has been commissioned to take a photo of me decent enough for a book cover.

She’s having a problem, though. I’m incredibly unphotogenic. In fact, I’ve always been unphotogenic, but lately, the degree of ugliness has transcended normal levels.

First of all, I’m a little chubby, meaning overweight. I can see it in my face as well as on my gut. Second, my face is and always has been very angular. Angles work well for men, making them rugged and appealing, but it’s a death knell for women. Third, I can’t smile. I never have been able to, probably at first because my teeth were crooked, but even after painful adult orthodontia, I still can’t do it. I have a niece who is gainfully employed as a model. She obviously has none of my non-modeling genes.

So while the colors are good, just about every photo Chelcie Lou has taken has a major flaw. These are not the flaws of the photographer, but of the subject. I’m definitely not blaming her.

I usually turn to my left side. It’s instinctual. I’m not sure why I do it.

Today I selfied myself from the right.

I have no good side.

Filter: Walden

December 13

Friday the 13th.

I’m not one to be superstitious though, so that boat has sailed and is a dot on the horizon.

It’s still winter, it’s still (brutally) cold, it’s still gray. It’s time for cocoa!

But then the phone rang…

I’m a master at multi-tasking.

Filter: Lo Fi

November 19

It’s a jungle in here, Jane.

My fig tree is up to the ceiling. Time for a house with cathedral ceilings.

Filter: HeFe.

November 13

My house is like a jungle.

I don’t know what I’d do if I had to move, because all of my houseplants are bigger than I am.

I’m standing next to this cactus, and it’s towering over me.

And I CUT IT BACK this spring. Because it had reached the ceiling.

At least there’s plenty of oxygen in here.

Filter: Kelvin

November 10

Rescued a little kitty yesterday.

He’s orange, he’s a purr-ball, and he’s very nice. LOVES being held and petted. In fact, I worked out my first ten minutes with him in my arms. Then he got too heavy and I dislodged him.

He’s a toilet bowl jumper though. We have to keep the lids down, since he finds the toilets so fascinating. I was compelled to clean them – out of rotation.

I think I’m going to name him Purrby.

Filter: Hudson

November 7

Holy moley. It’s nearly 7 p.m. and I’m chilling, listening to Gershwin’s “An American in Paris” when I realize that I haven’t done my selfie of the day:

I love Gershwin, don’t you?

Filter: Willow

November 6

It’s really hard to look glamorous when it’s cold out.

Just sayin’…

Filter: Kelvin

October 27

I am a woman of many layers.

Literally.

In addition to the standard underwear (because it’s too cold and I’m too old to go commando), I have on a tee shirt, a shirt, a vest, socks, my sweat pants, UGG boots and a jacket. I’m about ready to crack out the gloves.

Baby, it’s cold outside, and in.

Filter: He Fe

October 20

Welcome to my headache.

I either ate too much or too little, drank too much or too little, slept too much or too little, or maybe I had a bad dream. Maybe my head is too big? (I know it is too big. I can never find a hat that fits.)

I dunno. I never get headaches anymore. Maybe it’s just my time.

Filter: Amaro.

October 6

I swear. It’s almost noon when the sun finally comes up.

Filter: Willow